Excerpt from the Short Story

Excerpt from

Peter's Bad Day

“I am never going to forget this,” Peter told Rob as Chiara joined Sensei Charlie at the sink.

Rob had been teasing Chiara and driving Peter crazy all afternoon.

“Oh?” Rob feigned innocence while he bounced Suzy slightly against his shoulder. “Like I never forgot that time you made Charlie think I had the runs?”

“Wait, what?” Peter had to think a moment, to remember the incident. “That was, like, eighth grade.”

Sensei Rob grinned. “I told you I’d get back at you when you least expected it.”

“Seriously?”

Rob laughed. “Alright, I’ll stop,” he promised.

Suzy squirmed on Rob’s lap until she was facing Peter. He took a few moments to make funny faces at her, winning a few smiles and giggles.

“All joking aside,” Rob said, “Chiara seems very kind-hearted and positive. And you’ve come a long way to let someone get this close.”

“I know,” Peter said dismally, feeling a weight in his stomach as he thought of all that the asuras could do to her. “It’s a huge risk.”

“Yes, it’s a risk,” Rob said, “but I’ve always said it’s a risk worth taking. And letting someone join your fight—”

“She didn’t give me a choice, really,” Peter interjected. “She threatened to follow me into battles or start fighting the asuras on her own if I didn’t train her.”

“Still, I am happy for you, Peter,” Rob said with a ruffle of Peter’s hair. “I don’t think I’ve seen you laugh or smile like you are now since you started getting called out alone. Now, to see how close and trusting you both are with each other, I can tell it’s good. But,” Rob paused and made sure he had Peter’s full attention and eye contact, “is she fully aware of the consequences?”

Peter breathed deeply and looked off to the side. He had almost forgotten how exhausting Sensei Rob’s spiritual guidance could be.

“Maybe not fully,” he confessed. “But she does realize they can target the people you care about.”

“You need to tell her soon. It is only fair that she knows.”

“I’m going to tell her,” Peter said. “I’ve been trying. I just haven’t been able to find the right moment.”

“You can’t wait for the right moment,” Rob said. “You have to make it happen. Just think what the asuras could do to her in the meantime.”

“I know!” Peter said, trying to control his exasperated tone. “Believe me, I can’t stop thinking about it!” Then he calmed himself. “I’ll tell her soon. I promise.”

Rob scrutinized him with a piercing gaze. “What are you afraid of?” he asked.

“Everything,” Peter said on an exhale. “I’m afraid she’ll hate me for putting her in danger. I’m afraid she’ll stop being my friend. I’m afraid she’ll be scared and run away.” He rubbed the back of his neck and added, “And I’m terrified that she’ll stay.”

Rob let Peter’s words hang in the air a moment. He wore a calm expression that felt like a mockery of Peter’s inner storm.

“Those are all legitimate concerns,” Rob said at last. “And it’s vastly important to confront and acknowledge those fears.”

Peter remembered years ago when Rob had first taught him to acknowledge his emotions simply by confronting them in his thoughts. But this seemed like too big a problem. He didn’t think that talking to himself like a crazy person would really help things.

“So once,” Rob started abruptly, “there was this grandma named Visakha. She was totally distraught over the death of a grandson. So the Buddha said to her, ‘Those who have fifty dear ones have fifty sufferings. Those who have no dear ones have no sufferings.’”

Rob finished his story with a knowing and confident nod of his head, as if his meaning were obvious. Peter had forgotten how little he had missed Sensei Rob’s odd notion of comforting.

Peter raised an eyebrow. “The Buddha said that?” he asked dryly.

“I know,” Rob said with a laugh. “The Buddha had strange ways of trying to cheer people up, huh?”

“I know the feeling,” Peter grumbled. “But wait. Are you telling me that I shouldn’t care about her? That that would solve my problems? Didn’t the Buddha also say to radiate boundless love towards the whole world?”

“Ah, but see,” Rob shook a finger, “we’re talking about two different kinds of love here. When he was saying to radiate love, the Buddha used the word ‘metta’ which – as you know – is a love of good intentions. It’s a good-willed wanting what’s best for the other person with no thought of reward.”

“Okay…” Peter said, not sure where Rob was going.

“And the love he used with grandma Visakha was ‘pema.’”

“Which is?” Peter prompted.

“Attached love,” Rob answered eagerly. “See, the grandma was distraught because she saw her grandson as a part of her, as her possession. The Buddha even asked if she was upset about the many other people that passed away in their village, but she was only distraught about losing her grandson because he was hers.”

Peter knew exactly what Rod was saying now. He was only afraid of telling Chiara the truth because somewhere in his heart, he believed that she belonged to him. And he was afraid of losing her.

And that was attachment – the root of all suffering.

He had to let go of her.

“But how?” he asked aloud. “How do I just stop caring about her? I’ve tried that, by the way. It doesn’t work. And it sure as Naraka doesn’t decrease my suffering.”

Rob shook his head adamantly. “No, you don’t stop caring. You stop caring about her for your own sake. And start caring about her for her own sake.”

Peter wished Rob – and the Buddha – could have been a little more specific in their life advice. But he knew that wisdom didn’t work like that. Like always, he would have to figure out the specifics on his own.